


Fault

by happyxwalsh



Series: Season 6 [1]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide mentions, asher being an insensitive asshole, hurt/ comfort, mentions of 3x14, post season 5 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 12:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19251658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyxwalsh/pseuds/happyxwalsh
Summary: Connor can’t help but feel like it’s his fault.





	Fault

Laurel and Christopher are gone, and Connor has no idea how to act. He feels as if it’s his fault. Only a few hours ago, he left Christopher in his crib and now he’s disappeared. Connor couldn’t save Wes, and now he couldn’t even save his son. Another guilt added to the pile; he’s exhausted of constantly trying to be a good person, nothing works. He has to except that things won’t get better as long as he’s here, even afterwards it may stay like this for the rest of his life. That fact scares him more than ending up in jail, or alone. Knowing that he’ll never be able to forget everything he’s done kills him more than anything.

Frank told them that he’d find them and all they had to do was pretend like everything is normal. It’s a cruel joke. Connor can’t do that, especially now, but he has no choice. He’d end up like Wes if he wasn’t careful, then again, that sounds a lot better than the current situation. 

 

A few days or so have gone by and time feels nonexistent whilst the younger man sinks further back into his depression that he fought his way out of last year. Oliver’s noticed that he’s fallen back into his self from that time; quiet and spacey. The law student is talented at hiding that kind of suffering from his husband, but when it’s really bad he doesn’t have enough energy to hide it and it slowly becomes more visible- if someone pays close enough attention. After seeing Connor struggle to get out of bed multiple times, mirroring last year, the older man knew something was wrong. 

Asher did too, and that boiled his blood. He couldn’t help but be infuriated at the idea that Connor was suffering more than anyone else. In his mind, people should react in certain ways to certain things and Asher thinks he’s making it all about him. “What’s wrong with you?” His bitter tone, snaps Connor out of his dazed state mumbling out a confused response, “all you do is make everything about you and right now it isn’t. It’s about Laurel and Christopher.”

“How am I making this about me? I literally haven’t spoken in hours,” Connor folds his arms across his body, getting into defensive mode. 

“You’re acting like this affects you more than anyone else. Why does this affect you more than anyone else?”

“BECAUSE ITS MY FAULT!” He screams out, tears forming in his eyes, “I couldn’t save Wes, or his own son. It’s all my fault,” Connor breaks down in sobs, darting off to his bedroom. 

Everyone in room watches him leave, shocked at his sudden meltdown. “Do you not think, Asher?” Annalise hisses at him, “out of every single one of you, Connor is the most selfless and all of you just overlook that. Asher, he opened up his home to you when your dad diedbecause he didn’t want you to feel alone, and Oliver, he called his dad who has treated him like garbage his entire life to make  you happy. Connor notices immediately when something’s wrong then tries to help in any way he can. Whereas Connor’s suicidal and, instead of coming to any of you for help, he comes to me!” Hearing enough, Oliver finally runs after his husband. 

 

Opening the door, he sees the younger man huddled in a corner with his face in his hands. “Do you hate me?”

“I could never hate you, Connor. I love you far too much,” The older man softly approaches him, sitting down next to him, to wrap his arm across the law student’s shoulder and give him a reassuring squeeze. 

“You  _should_ ,” his voice breaks, pulling down his hands from his face, “you should hate me, Oli.”

“Stop. I don’t hate you, and you shouldn’t hate yourself either.”

“But I can’t. I’ve tried so many times to just move on, but then I see every bad thing I’ve ever done and Wes’ body on the basement floor-“ he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, before whispering out, “I just feel like I’m drowning.”

Oliver tightens his grip, “Did you hear what Annalise told us downstairs? About you being-“

“Don’t say it.  _Please_ , I can’t hear it again,” he uncomfortably shuffles closer to the love of his life, swallowing the lump in throat, ready to tell him his worst secret, “I didn’t tell you not because I didn’t trust you, or anything like that, but because if I did I’d have to tell you something I haven’t told you yet.”

Oliver’s concerned eyes look down at Connor, “what haven’t you told me?”

“Last year, I almost-,” another deep breath, “I almost jumped in front of a bus,” Oliver couldn’t speak; his words got all twisted the second those words came out of Connor’s mouth. 

“You almost did that? And I didn’t even notice how much you were hurting?”

“Not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either,” Connor nods his head, burying himself further into Oliver. Right now, he wants to stay in his arms and not have to worry about seeing everyone downstairs, or anything else. 

He just wants to stay with Oliver.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Exams are done, so I will finally find a better upload schedule. Hope you enjoy!


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